Feedback Exchange on dynapink's stories

[unfeathered]

This turned out to be a very interesting assignment for me. dynapink has written quite a lot of stories, but the only ones I knew enough to give feedback on were the new Doctor Who ones. And since dynapink obviously likes Doctor/Rose and I prefer Doctor/Jack (and slash in general), none of these were stories that I would normally read.

I did, however, enjoy them, and they made me look at the relationships between the characters in a different light, which was very interesting.

One thing I did find a little annoying to read was the way both Rose and Ten's London accents were written – with a lot of apostrophes – but since dynapink states clearly at the top of her fic list that she does this and isn't going to apologise for it, that's fine. It's her fic and her prerogative! It wasn't too obtrusive – I just don't consider it necessary, especially not in fanfic, where we all know what the characters sound like.

Anyway, onto the stories. I've only done four, but one of them is very long so I hope that's OK!


Wichita Falls

I had to read this one, because it has Jack in it! :-) And it was very interesting, because Jack seen through the eyes of a Doctor/Rose shipper is just slightly different to the Jack I'm accustomed to reading. I can't even quite put my finger on it, but he felt slightly different – perhaps just a little bit sillier than I'm used to? – and yet very much still the Jack we all know and love.

There's great interplay between the three characters in this story – what might be termed a Boom Town feel to the relationship.

There were one or two occasions where I couldn't quite hear Jack speaking the lines assigned to him. For example: “I’m Captain Jack Harkness, and these are my friends, the Doctor and Rose Tyler. I don't think I've ever seen Jack introducing the Doctor or Rose (or Martha) on screen. It's pretty much always, "Captain Jack Harkness," sometimes with the additional, "And you are?" *g*

I did love this bit though: She knew Jack would have been more than happy to spend the afternoon clothes-shopping with her – complete with jokes about joining her in the changing room – but the Doctor.... Well, he never seemed such an out and out bloke as he did when the idea of choosing clothing came up.

And I think the Doctor/Jack dynamic is just about right, at least as seen from Rose's POV as it is in this fic. I love this line: And since charm was as natural to Jack as breathing, and sarcasm equally natural to the Doctor, they’d enacted this scene many, many times already.

I love the way 'bad wolf' is brought in – very cool to have Jack saying it rather than just some random bystander.

I love the description of the Doctor leaning against the swing frame watching Rose swing. It's a very good image of the Ninth Doctor. I also like the fact he remarks on the age difference between them, because that's a very big thing, for me.

I love all the fun references to Jackie.

I felt awful for Jack at the idea that the mental institution had taken away his wrist computer! He seemed a lot less concerned about that than I would have expected, and it would have been nice to have scene with the Doctor giving it back to him, and seeing his relief, and the Doctor lecturing him for being so careless. I did like the way the story stayed faithful to the period; it hadn't occurred to me that tolerance of homosexuality in 1979 Texas would be so very different from how it is today, to I thought that was nicely done.

I love the idea of the Doctor and Jack both using the truth as a story to convince Dr. Miller that Jack's harmless.

This bit made me laugh out loud:

“No offense, Doc, but you’re not much for pick up lines, are you?”

“Never need ’em.”

Rose grinned. Putting on a really over the top, sultry voice, she rasped, “Did I mention it also travels in time?”

I loved Jack swearing and running after the woman and her children. And getting dressed in uniform so he can help out without being noticed afterwards.

I like the Doctor and Rose's first kiss being after the tornado, and not quite sexual. That feels believable to me.

I wasn't sure what to make of Jack coveting the guns in the shop, and Rose having to remind him how the Doctor felt about guns. I think it felt a bit too spelled out for me, because yes, that's very much a theme of the relationship between Nine and Jack, but I didn't feel it would need to be put into words.

I liked the way the sense of period was brought in again at the end of part 3: Captain Jack was off to play hero again. The Doctor was off being a doctor. And Rose Tyler, former shopgirl, wasn’t sure how much longer she could stand to stay in this mall. Poor Rose. Trapped and feeling inferior. She's so very much a child of the 21st century. I wonder how she would have coped in Martha's position in Human Nature/The Family of Blood?

I also liked the conclusion: Rose sight-seeing, because yes, you would want to go and have a look if you'd never seen tornado destruction before, and the Doctor almost seeming to think badly of her for doing so, again highlighting the age-difference. I loved the way Rose wanted to be a partner to him, not just keep him company.

I think the one thing I would have changed about the way the story is presented would be to put the pictures of the real thing at the end rather than interspersed throughout the story. Having them where they were brought me out of the story and made me feel like maybe I was reading a documentary instead. It's very interesting having them there – though, to be honest, I had a very clear picture in my head from the story before I even saw the pictures, so I'm not sure how necessary they really are!

I found this story interesting, too, because it's not often we see the Doctor actually sticking around to deal with the aftermath of anything. Not often we see him dealing with devastation that's purely natural either.


“Sshhh!”

This has a very strong opening, which really draws the reader in. There's a good mixture of hotness and humour right away, and this mixture continues through the story, fairly well-balanced.

There are some very funny lines:

The two of us hauled back here through time and space for the purpose of defending your mother’s virtue!”

keeping Jackie amused and out of trouble was a difficult job that someone really, really needed to be doing, for everyone’s sake.

The whole of Jackie's phone call.

a pile of the clean clothing which tended to clutter up Rose’s room at any given moment no matter where she was living

I think by this time I am waay to old to make love to a woman in a bed filled with stuffed animals

“Well, then – does ’e have, like, proper man-parts an’ all?”

And the alien babies with three heads!

The Doctor slipped out of the flat with the air of a man who was fleeing for his very life. Rose was by this time tolerably familiar with the way he looked while fleeing for his very life, and this was entirely comparable.

There are some lovely truths in there, which of course is what makes them funny. Good observations.

I'm a bit ambiguous about the description of the sex. I don't read a lot of het, so that didn't help, but I felt there was rather too much technical description and not enough about what the characters were actually feeling. It read a bit too much like a 'how to' manual. It's possible that getting right into one or other of the character's POVs would have helped that. But I did like the fact that the humour carried right on through the whole scene.

Finally, I'm intrigued by the comparison to Eric Idle. I think I'm going to have to go and find a picture and stare at it, because I just can't see that! *g*


First Steps

I really like the idea for this story, with a paragraph for each episode and what it shows about their relationship. It works very well.

This phrase I just thought was absolutely lovely: eventually the tiny kisses grew up

for the first time no one asked them if they were a couple. No one had to. - That's a very interesting observation, and I will be looking out for that when I next watch those two episodes, to see if I get the same out of it as the author did!

Spotted a little typo:
He’d never been so angry with her before, but it deep down it was himself he hated. - extraneous 'it' before 'deep down'


Hunting

This drabble is very amusing. The idea of the Doctor having a diary that's actually a diary is funny enough (and actually, I can imagine it), but I love the way this line - You won’t find, ‘Shagged Tegan tonight; wish I hadn’t.’ is followed up further down by this line - The Doctor winced. “Ah. ‘Shagged Peri tonight; wish I hadn’t,’” he murmured.

Good fun, and it made me smile, which is something I always love in a story.